I’m hella sleepy, so this may end up being a short post, but there are a few more things I want to get off my chest.
I am not really feeling better since my “invisible no more” post. Usually when I talk about things, it helps me be aware of them and helps me fix things, but I am having trouble getting over this hill. I am not really sure what to do. Perhaps it is just a feeling that will fade in time.
At the moment, I am really struggling to find reasons to keep going with the weight loss. I started doing this for health reasons, and that is mostly why I am doing this, but I have to work on my mental health, too. And if I’m just not comfortable in my body, I don’t know if keeping attempting to change it is a good idea.
But perhaps those are just excuses. I think maybe they might be.
The fact remains that I am hitting a mental block, here, and I need to break by it. So I’ve been thinking of reasons for me to focus on to keep doing paleo.
Reasons to keep doing Paleo
1) I’m at 155lbs, only 6 pounds away from being a healthy weight.
Oh good lord, I am SO CLOSE. I really don’t feel like I can stop now. It’s so intense to think about how far I have come in so short of a time. If I gave up before I got into the 140s, I don’t think I could ever forgive myself. I think this is the chief reason why I want to, and still will, keep on this diet and lifestyle.
2) I’ve been happier, generally, since starting.
It’s really easy to get bogged down in the feeling of being oggled, but I have to remember a lot of the great emotional benefits I have gotten from eating paleo. Key to this is that I’ve pretty much cut out my binge eating, and almost entirely negated my stress eating. These are HUGE ACHIEVEMENTS, and I want to keep these habits.
One thing I am really proud of is that when I have been breaking in the paleo, I haven’t binged. Yes, I’ve had ice cream, Ben and Jerry’s, DQ, but it’s been like… a fraction of the container that I get. I have a control now that I didn’t before, and I can only get better.
3) I’m really close to a normal bra size…
I had a really disappointing bra shopping trip yesterday, in which it was revealed that I was a 32DDD, and I’m a “big” 32 at that. If I can get down to a normal weight, perhaps that will come off of my bust and get me down into a standard size bra.
4) I don’t want to give up.
I’m not a quitter, and I realize the ONLY way I will have failed in this endeavor is if I give up, and that’s just… not an option. If I give up, if I let myself gain weight, then it really is sacrificing control over my body.
If I stop now, in a way, I let those people win (even though it’s not really what they wanted). My body is mine, and I’m taking ownership of it, gods damn it. And if someone wants to stare at me, fine. If I notice, and it makes me uncomfortable, then it’s their fault, not mine, and I have the right to tell them to find a spot on the wall and stare at it, cause if they don’t, I’ll kick their face into it.