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Addicted to Spuds

Chips.

Yes, them again.

We have returned to the chip. Again. As yet again I have gone on a chip binge.

Instead of angsting about it, I want to try and take a proactive approach to this issue and attempt to understand it. And I am going to enlist my humble readers to help me with this endeavor.

So, a history.

Back when I was just hitting puberty, I was ridiculously scrawny, like, unattractive. But as the hormones kicked in, so did the weight gain and as this was happening, I gained my Chip Habit. I could (and still do) polish off half a bag at a time with  no issue.  Between me, my dad, and my brother, if three bags of chips were bought on Monday, they were all gone by Wednesday.

My sophomore year of college, just before my mom died, I realized the depth to which this addiction had gone. I had bought three bags of chips for an event that the libertarians were putting on and one for me (baked Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion). I had purchased them a week before the event, and four days later all four bags of chips were gone.

It was precisely this event that made me realize I had a problem. I do not say that factitiously. I had (and apparently still have) a serious chip addiction.

So I went cold turkey, for the most part. I refused to purchase potato chips for my personal consumption, and for a long time that policy worked pretty well. I would often grab chips at parties, but not having chips in the house was a big step in the right direction.

This summer when I was in Phoenix I hit a wall of stress at work. Unfortunately, there was a grocery store around the corner from which I walked over during lunch and purchased a bag of chips, which, of course, was gone within a few days.

Flash forward to me, on a paleo diet, still unable to resist potato chips when they are offered at an event. The only difference is that now they make me sick and they don’t taste as good. So why, why, why oh why do I still eat them?

I legitimately do not understand why I do this to myself. Last Friday I half-justified the slippage because I made the mistake of going to the movie showing without eating first. Not so tonight. I wasn’t hungry, and there were grapes available for my nommage.  I still opted for the chips, and I kept eating them even though my nausea was almost instant as soon as the first dip-laden potato hit my stomach.

I resist french fries fairly easily, and I don’t find the chips in the dining hall sufficiently luring, but apparently when they are presented out of the bag, I can’t resist.

Perhaps I need to forever close off the possibility of potato chips, much like an alcoholic, and never go near them again. Declare myself to be chip-free for the rest of my life.  Perhaps that will work, as it is a different declaration outside of the paleo diet, and perhaps would be more strong. I don’t know.

Ultimately, I just don’t understand, and I felt like if I understood I would do a better job at kicking this habit — no, this addiction.

I would really like some feedback on this.

Love,

Gina (I seriously feel like I could throw up any second now… ugh.)

F.A.T.

This is going to be one of those good things/bad things post, because I want to get out what I am feeling, but I don’t want to harp on it and not remember the good stuff. So, with that in mind, here we go.

The bad stuff

I have a generally pretty good body image. I, like most people, have good days and bad days and the net result is positive.

Since starting paleo, unlike my fear before I started it, I haven’t any body issues at all. As I have explained, usually when I start dieting, I become super self-conscious about my weight, stress out, then stress eat. It’s a vicious cycle. But this time, as I’ve said, I haven’t had all that at all, and generally I have felt better about my body than I have in a long time. I have noticed that I don’t feel bloated quite as much, and even though I don’t really see the weight that has come off, I definitely do feel a lot lighter.

This weekend, however, seems to be an exception to that rule. I feel really fat.

The story begins… with an indiscretion.

It really was unwise on my part to go to a movie showing, where I knew there would be snacks, before I had eaten anything. I had had a REALLY heavy breakfast of bacon and eggs that day, and then went and trained with Nicki for about an hour and a half.

By the way, I do not recommend that particular course of action.

So when I got home I wasn’t feeling in a very eat-y mood. I went and putzed a little bit with the nerd prom music, and then before I knew it it was time to go to the Firefly marathon.  I went there without really being conscious of the fact that I was hungry, and in the end, I really don’t know if I got hungry.

The point of the matter is, chips are my weakness.

Even now, I salivate.

They weren’t even particularly good chips. They were crappy store brand wavy kind, that weren’t even that salty. Yet I ate plate after plate. I think at least four small plates full of potato chips.

To my credit, that’s the only spot of weakness I had. But either way… my stomach was not happy with  me afterwards.

I blame my feelings today on this indiscretion.

There’s no real way to put it — I just felt fat. I looked fat, every time I looked in a mirror all I could see was a belly and big breasts.

It got worse after we ate dinner, cause I ate a bit too much and the wings seemed to be a bad fair (Darcy got a little sick and I got a bit more sick).

Maybe it’s just shopping that makes me feel that way. I got fitted for a bra (went down a size, kinda), and it just felt all downhill from there. I didn’t try on any clothes or anything, else I feel like the feeling would have been exacerbated.

Anyway, I’m feeling bloated and useless and bad for the food I’ve eaten, and the fact that I over extended my knee the other day (?) doesn’t really contribute to my mood.

BUT! There are good things about today, too, and we’re gonna talk about them too.

The good things

First and foremost, the TKD ladies and Anthony went over and KICKED ASS at the belt test today. It was an honor and a privilege to watch them, and they all did amazingly.

Secondly, I got to go shopping today with Anthony and Darcy. We stalked Atlantic Station and searched for shoes and jeans for Anthony, fabric so I can start a shirt for Beefsickle to wear when we go to Medieval Times. It was a fun trip, and aside from my knee being a jerk, I had a good time. We walked for a long time, and I am not tired at all (a noted improvement).

I also got:

I shall name them the Blue Spirits.

They are for running!

I have decided, after a good bit of deliberation, that I want to try and pick up running a bit. Part of the reason I want to do this is because people who run are the coolest and the most fit people I know, and I have runner envy. Also, I want to pick up something else other than TKD that will help me stay healthy and in shape, because I am not sure what the future is for me and TKD after May. I definitely want to keep doing it, but there may be a pretty extensive hiatus between May and when I can afford to go again.

But running doesn’t cost anything.

I  have in previous years really avoided running because of breast issues. But I think I have gotten to a place where it’s not as big of an issue anymore. I’ve got good support when I’m  not running, and thanks to Nicki I have learned the art of doubling up on bras when I am. So we are gonna do this.

My friend Sam is training and getting ready to do a triathlon (woot for her!), and she suggested that I look into this program that helps you learn how to run  a 10K in 13 weeks (this isn’t the link she gave me –I’m gonna have to bug her for it again). I’m  not really sure how well this will work, but I’m gonna give it a try. I figure that Anthony and I will go running on the mornings that he’s here (So, Sunday/Monday, Tuesday, Thursday), and that will have the advantage of getting me up earlier in the morning, and getting a jump start to my day.

I guess I’ve just gotten to the point where I like physical activity (I know, right?). It makes me feel good now that I’ve gotten over that point where my fitness and my weight are a huge, frustrating barrier. They are now just mild annoyances that pop up every once in a while. Though I still hate sweating, I dunno, things are just better and easier and I want to have more activity in my life.

So tomorrow I put on my running shorts (yes, I  have them), the Blue Spirits, double up on my bras and head out into the morning with  my beau to start running. I’m actually kinda excited about it. I need to make a playlist.

Another good thing is that I went down in a bra size. This means I also went down in bra price. I moved from a 34 G to a 32 G/34 DDD. If you don’t think that’s smaller, that’s okay. I don’t understand bra sizes either. It’s smaller.

I am also starting to see some very gratifying definition in my legs. Though my calves have always had a pretty lean curve to them, they are beefing up some, and my thigh muscles are starting to peak out through the fat. It’s honestly just more noticeable when I’m lying down, with my feet flat on the floor, but I’m getting there. It’s pretty fulfilling.

I am beginning to doubt, especially with Chip Fest 2011, if I will lose my 2.5lbs this week. But I really am feeling okay about that, cause other things are happening.

Moving right along,

Gina