This is me, doing pushups this morning:
So, yeah. I’m still here. I’m still paleo. Here’s the sitch:
My period hit me pretty hard this weekend, so I didn’t get a chance to write up a bunch of posts like I usually do. In addition to that, I am busy preparing for visits from friends and packing up and getting ready to leave. The consequence of which is that this blog will take a hiatus for a few weeks. I will probably still post, but it will be more casually than anything.
I’m going to use that time to do some re-evaluating. What do I want? What am I working towards? And how best do I get there? I am unsure of all of these things at the moment, and need to take some time to figure them out.
I will probably post meta-explorations as I attempt to figure this out, but if you would like to keep up with me in more detail, I joined the community at nerdfitness. Here’s my intro post to give you an idea of what I am trying to accomplish.
Just doing some thinking. No big. 🙂
I’m writing this retro-actively because I want to be sure to get my tally up here, but the glories of Harry Potter had me distracted for a while.
Apples and Almond Butter
Gina’s “OMG I have no time” Throw-together
Approx 4oz of Almonds
Apples and almond butter
At the movies
Approx 2/5 of a large popcorn (NOT PALEO)
Approx 1/2 large movie sprite (NOT PALEO)
I think I might need to spend some time really, seriously evaluating why I chose to eat the popcorn. I know that I have lauded this as the second step to dealing with eating food that’s bad for you, but I think sometimes I do a really shallow analysis. Maybe it really is that I’m stressed, but I feel like perhaps there may be something more going on. Maybe I’m afraid of finding out what that is. Maybe it’s just that I’m a slave to my passions (a la Plato) and will never be more than a hedonistic fatass who can’t control what she eats and is just attempting to fight the inevitable. Maybe I’m just afraid of that conclusion.
Ugh. If you can’t tell by that uncharacteristically self-deprecating madness I’m a bit down in the dumps. I have been for a few days now. I’m not 100% sure what the cause of it is. Perhaps just generic, good ole fashioned stress. I would like to spend the weekend evaluating myself, but I don’t have the time at the moment. I need to make a bid on two contracts and to do so I need design ideas. Oh well, they say you’re at your most creative when you’re a bit down. We shall see.
I am also going to get some exercise if it kills me. I think maybe not having time for TKD on Wed. is part of what’s making my mood tank.
Any other ideas? What do you do when you get into a funk you can’t shake?
Sometimes I think that people choose to diet because they think that, once they get down to their goal weight, they will be like the skinny friends that they envy. That is, they’ll be able to eat whatever it is that they want and not get fat. Getting skinny is a way to get back to the lifestyle that they wanted to live.
I catch myself thinking that sometimes, that I won’t have to worry as much about the kinds of foods I eat once I get down to my goal weight. That I can have chicken tenders, lots of cheese, and pizza. In moderation, of course (yeah right).
There are lots of flaws with this thinking.
First of all, yes, there are lots of people who can eat whatever and however much that they want and not get fat. But those people are fewer and farther between than we think. Most thin people generally eat less and more often than heavier people. They also tend to eat better and have a better relationship with food. It is these things that help them maintain their thinness. The idea that they eat whenever and however they want is an illusion that we create around them.
We isolate the incidences we see of them chowing down on pizza and bread sticks with us, or the time they drink a keg at a party (gross), or how much popcorn they have at a movie. We notice these incidences of over-indulgence because they match up with our expectations of how they should eat. We miss the fact they eat about half of what heavier people do, eat a lot of things that are better for them, and don’t stress eat.
So this idea of the person who can eat whatever they want and not get fat is largely an illusion. Additionally, even if there were, it is clear that if you’re a person who has gotten to a point where your weight is a problem and you want to lose that weight, then you’re not one of those people. So, when you get down to your goal weight, you shouldn’t expect to eat like you did… cause that’s what got you fat in the first place.
It seems like a really obvious thing, but like I said, I’ve caught myself thinking about it too. Being skinny does not mean you get to eat whatever it is that you want. Thinness is a function of eating better, and so it is illogical to assume that once you get thin, you’ll have the “magic” that those fabled “reckless eating thin people” do.
This is why we make lifestyle changes instead of going on “diets.” What you are doing, and should be doing, is adapting healthy habits of thin people, and keeping them to maintain thinness.
If I sound like I’m scolding, I am. I’m scolding myself for being an idiot.
Oh my gods, I love pizza.
Or, I guess I should say, I know I used to.
I haven’t had pizza in gods know how long, and whenever I think about “breaking” paleo, pizza is the first thing I jump to. When I think about staying on the paleo diet, thinking about never ever having pizza again is usually the first thing that pops into my mind.
Here’s the dilemma. If I’m not hungry, looking at that picture of pizza makes my stomach turn.
So I both desire and am repulsed by pizza. Even still, the idea of pizza is somehow attractive to me. This has been an ever-present dilemma the past few weeks as this craving for pizza has just popped up over and over again.
I was thinking it would be worthwhile to try and have a slice, much like the Dairy Queen experiment, just to see what happens. But I am very cautious because pizza is something that I actively want, and it is also something that I have used as a stress food/fun food in the past. When I think about eating pizza, I think about ordering a pizza, sitting down with Anthony and Darcy and watching a movie. I think about good times with my dad.
So you see the dilemma. I am repulsed by the idea of pizza (in the carnation that I used to eat it — Pizza Hut) because it’s greasy and gross and has lots of stuff on it that’s really bad for me. But I want it, I think, because I miss hanging out with Darcy, Dad, and in some ways, Anthony (I have been really busy with work lately).
Hm. I had no idea that last sentence was going to come out until it was typed. This post has now become something that I didn’t intend.
Clearly, pizza is not the solution to these problems. Given the circumstances of all three situations, I am not sure if could be remedied. But perhaps now that I am aware of the manifestation of pizza as a sign that something needs to be fixed, I can take a better approach.
I had planned this post to outline a system of testing non-paleo foods, to see how my body reacts to them and to give some more “data” to my consideration of making paleo into a lifestyle. But perhaps I have some other thinking to do. I am sure such a post, if it’s even still necessary, will come later.