We have returned to the chip. Again. As yet again I have gone on a chip binge.
Instead of angsting about it, I want to try and take a proactive approach to this issue and attempt to understand it. And I am going to enlist my humble readers to help me with this endeavor.
So, a history.
Back when I was just hitting puberty, I was ridiculously scrawny, like, unattractive. But as the hormones kicked in, so did the weight gain and as this was happening, I gained my Chip Habit. I could (and still do) polish off half a bag at a time with no issue. Between me, my dad, and my brother, if three bags of chips were bought on Monday, they were all gone by Wednesday.
My sophomore year of college, just before my mom died, I realized the depth to which this addiction had gone. I had bought three bags of chips for an event that the libertarians were putting on and one for me (baked Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion). I had purchased them a week before the event, and four days later all four bags of chips were gone.
It was precisely this event that made me realize I had a problem. I do not say that factitiously. I had (and apparently still have) a serious chip addiction.
So I went cold turkey, for the most part. I refused to purchase potato chips for my personal consumption, and for a long time that policy worked pretty well. I would often grab chips at parties, but not having chips in the house was a big step in the right direction.
This summer when I was in Phoenix I hit a wall of stress at work. Unfortunately, there was a grocery store around the corner from which I walked over during lunch and purchased a bag of chips, which, of course, was gone within a few days.
Flash forward to me, on a paleo diet, still unable to resist potato chips when they are offered at an event. The only difference is that now they make me sick and they don’t taste as good. So why, why, why oh why do I still eat them?
I legitimately do not understand why I do this to myself. Last Friday I half-justified the slippage because I made the mistake of going to the movie showing without eating first. Not so tonight. I wasn’t hungry, and there were grapes available for my nommage. I still opted for the chips, and I kept eating them even though my nausea was almost instant as soon as the first dip-laden potato hit my stomach.
I resist french fries fairly easily, and I don’t find the chips in the dining hall sufficiently luring, but apparently when they are presented out of the bag, I can’t resist.
Perhaps I need to forever close off the possibility of potato chips, much like an alcoholic, and never go near them again. Declare myself to be chip-free for the rest of my life. Perhaps that will work, as it is a different declaration outside of the paleo diet, and perhaps would be more strong. I don’t know.
Ultimately, I just don’t understand, and I felt like if I understood I would do a better job at kicking this habit — no, this addiction.
I would really like some feedback on this.
Gina (I seriously feel like I could throw up any second now… ugh.)